LAST ONE IN LINE

You think it's fine

In your mind

For me to be the last one in line

It makes me feel the worst

Almost cursed

When I keep putting you first

All I want to do

When I'm blue

Is stay here with you

So I try to laugh

I try to smile

When I have to wait a long while

You think it's fine

In your mind

For me to be the last one in line

TOY

It became too hard

Too hard not to look at you

When you knew the truth

All along that I loved you

When I only wished to be

The toy that occupied your mind

Even for a minute

To be that important in your hands

FAMILY

I don't know what you think

You think family is

Family is pure love

Pure love that I have never gotten

Never gotten from you

From you or anyone else

Or anyone else forgotten

Forgotten as if by taking a pill

A pill will never erase baby Jill

WEDDING DAY

She danced like a dying flower

Delicate and swayed by the breeze

He held her gently in her arms

Took her to bed one last time

Wedding day

WORTHLESS

I look into the sky

Remembering your cold blue eyes

Wanting to see them again

To feel worthless one more time

LEMONADE

Darling, the flowers have died

In our old garden

The one you danced me around

On those hot summer days

How we sipped lemonade

Smiling at each other

Those heady, wonderful days

Spent with one another

SERENADE

The humidity hangs in the air

Beautiful, you say, so beautiful

My breathing is heavy

As I try to catch up to you

All the beauty I see is you

And your serenade for the summer

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LIVE STREAM

Seated by the microphone

Only too eager to greet you

With nervousness and cheer

An empty room

Wondering what to say

What jokes to make

When no one is listening

HAPPINESS

Some might say

Happiness is contrary to consciousness

But they never saw you

Your hair being playfully touseled

By the wind

The way the night lights dance

In your childlike gaze

The way you hold me

In your arms when I am scared

They never saw you

Yelling all the words you meant to say

During one of our fights

The bruise you left on my cheek

You visit me in the hospital

I fell, we told the nurses

I looked out the window

And saw the playful wind again

A tear rolled down my cheek

Happiness is not contrary to consciousness

Happiness is contrary to life

DAWN

Looking out the window

Down the hall

Watching the summer heat 

Turn to fall

When you told me

"I'll come back to you"

Was I a fool

To believe you

I picture us together

And it makes me miss you on and on

And all we have now

Is the dawn

BAGGAGE

Do I assume that you'll take me

Take me as I am?

I am flawed and hurting inside

Hurting inside with the thorns

The thorns of past encounters

Past encounters that I hoped

I hoped would be my happiness

My happiness was not found

Not found in eyes so cold

So cold and hands so rough

So rough I still have scars

Have scars that make one wonder

One wonder who you are

WHAT YOU ASKED FOR

I am not exactly what you asked for

How a visit to my consciousness

Requires a nap

A whirlwind of storms and shadows

A sweet palpitation between us

They would never know

How many times we have 

Come to the edge

Without falling over

From darkness to darkness

In the end, we say I love you

And prepare for another day

PAINFUL LOVE

After a quiet smile

Mixed with his usual shadows

I chirped words like birds

Hoping to bring him out of his darkness

He walked away

Slowly and indifferent

That tight mouth -

Always accompanied the same expression

I called after him - 

"I have had the misfortune

To suffer painful love," I exhaled

He turned to me with an ironic smile -

"What makes you think it's over yet?"

MESSED UP AGAIN

I messed up again

Just when everything

Was starting to come together

Now we're not even friends

So much anger

Anger between us

We've come to an end

And not the way I want it

Not the way I'd say it

No turning back

Past the fork in the road

I'd never really known

I messed up again

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WATER

Water

There remain veiled initiators among people

Who reveal what's behind

The veiled curtain

Continuously sampling the good

In the world

History will last mere minutes

And I feel I am the only one prepared

WAKE UP

Wake up, everyone -

Time for a change

This hating and fighting

Needs to be rearranged

We need to learn to 

Love one another

Not as acquaintances

But sisters and brothers

There is a disease

Plaguing our air

Our children seeing it -

Well, it just isn't fair

Too much time spent

Looking down the barrel of a gun

We need to love one another

The way things have begun

Let's start together

You and me

It doesn't matter who begins

Just someone, you see

ON FIRE

The world is on fire

On fire with unquenchable flames

Unquenchable flames, we're all burning

All burning in a sea of chaos

Of chaos that we want to stop

To stop the burning

The burning all around us

Around us, there is no peace

No peace, no world

No world, no us

No us, we realize

We realize this has been

Has been an accident

An accident of our own design

MOTIVES

Interpreting others does not take long

Take long to see what their motives are

Motives are funny things

Funny things we all have

All have the desire to win

To win at something called life

Called life but really a slow death

Slow death as we slay each other

Each other the same

The same purpose deep inside

Deep inside the will to survive

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TREAT ME BETTER

I wish you treated me better

Instead of pushing me aside

When life happens

Life happens for everybody

And I would never push you aside

To have a human experience

MY HEART

I wanted to get you a gift

A gift from my heart

My heart overflows for you

For you, I would do anything

Do anything you need or want

Or want me... whatever I could find

Could find it in my heart 

My heart would give you too

I WOKE UP

I woke up and you were gone

And I think it's just my fate

That people keep moving on

It may just be too late

For me to catch up to you

No matter how I try

And maybe it's true

I'm better off not knowing why

APOLOGY

Run run run away

Too many secrets in this place

Slide slide slide too far

Down a slippery slope in my car

Tell tell tell the truth

No matter if it makes you look uncouth

Cry cry cry late at night

Your kids want you to hold them tight

Ask ask ask what can I do to make it better?

To stop the tears unfettered

Say say say sorry and move on

Things will look better in the dawn

THE IMPOSSIBLE

I will try to attempt the impossible

Catch the key that falls from the sky

Intelligence blends with sensation

I will carefully write this poem

And make you feel my words

HOMELESS

It's so hard to walk past you

And know I can't help more

Than some coins in your hand

As I walk through the door

Coins that will no doubt

Become a coffee to keep you warm

As you huddle on the sidewalk

No shelter from harm

I don't know what brought you here

Was it some kind of mistake?

A breakup, a bankruptcy

Something too hard to take?

We're not so different, you and I

I am still homeless only in disguise

FAT

When I look in the mirror

I see what you see 

A fat middle-aged woman 

Staring at me

If you could only look past

The roll around my waist

The double chin hanging there

A round swollen face

You would see 

That there's so much more to me

Than a reflection in the mirror

To the one that is She

For underneath every inch of fat

There is a beautiful woman and that is that

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THE WARRIOR WITHIN

Inside your mind

The war rages on

Between the present and the past

Though life carries on

You are a warrior

Beating your drum

Waiting for 

The enemy to come

Tears like ice 

Fall down your cheeks

There is no time to be 

Mild and meek

Their words, their fists

They color your skin

Believe in  yourself

Don't ever let them win

What they did to you was a horrible sin

But don't ever doubt the warrior within

OLD CABIN

Sometimes I remember you

Remember you in that old cabin

Old cabin by the sea

The sea was always crashing on the shore

The shore where we stood

We stood side by side so effortlessly

So effortlessly we made love

Made love in that chilly small bed

Small bed that could hold us both

Us both feeling happy

Feeling happy as though everything was fine

Was fine until we went home

Went home and the fighting began

Fighting began and we no longer 

No longer cared about the shore

The shore or that old cabin

Old cabin with the small bed

Small bed that I wish

I wish I was back there again

HAPPY

When it rains it pours

My mother told me

When the sun is shining bright

It's too hard to see

In the summer it's too hot

Winter too cold

Will we never be happy

Even when we're old? 

SUMMER

The humidity hangs in the air

Like a reminder of something forgotten

The sun, bright like diamonds

Covers the tree-lined streets

This summer, our summer

As we bask in the daily heat