PURELY ACCIDENTAL

You had a purely accidental impact on me

I never thought I would fall so hard

Into your arms, into this bed

Into the mouth of this river

You fulfilled my secret wishes

I will leave you never

DROWNING

I am drowning in front of you

Gasping for air

Choking on mouthfuls of water

You keep telling me I can swim

If only I tried harder

Curtain falls

UNMASKED

They rushed into each other's arms

Believing others are doing the same

They held their bodies in waiting

At last, could wait no longer

Their embrace was a sigh of relief

As they disrobe and crawl into bed

Hundreds of people are wearing masks

Afraid to live, afraid to love

We all cherish life in our own way

SURVIVAL

Imagine

Being young

And very scared

The monsters are real

There's nowhere to run now

I'm unable to call for help

All I can do is quietly hide

Saddest part is nobody is buying what I am selling

All I can do is survive in my own skin

AT FIRST SIGHT

The day she first saw him

She was full of good intentions

Despite his rebellious smile

She would plan their lives together

Manage everything

He would be happy, she thought

The day he first saw her

He was full of doubts and cynicism

Despite her hopeful gaze

He would not let anyone else

Plan his life, manage everything

She would never get that close

BABY MINE

Poor baby.

The great struggle for existence

Wrapping a tiny hand around my finger

Don't. Let. Me. Go.

Pale yellow jaundiced skin

The nurse takes him away

Put him in a machine until he's better

The hospital band is on my wrist

I am here with you baby

Mommy isn't going anywhere

RESENT YOU

This is going to take a long time

Until I feel fine

Can you see me?

When I cry I turn away

It gets harder each day

To feel truly free

All I wanted was to feel really great

No matter what I will compensate

But all I ever do

Is resent you

FAT

Time for a change now

Time to stop feeling assured

In the way things are

This is not the life I want

I need a better ending

This has been so hard

Feeling like this is wrong

I get on the scale

I know I can be better

There's no need to be so fat

JUST THE SAME

Walking down the street

I was distracted by a song

I couldn't quite remember

Then looking outside myself

For a moment, and I saw you

Walking next to me, oblivious

I called out your name

Hoping it would be the same

I called out your name

As you walked away from me 

Tears dripped from my eyes

Remembering our closeness

Remembering our love

I walked to the train station

Through a sea of heartache

Knowing now for sure

I loved you just the same

Living this life without you

I loved you just the same

LIES

You

You are elegant with your lies

Charming with your deceit

Your deceit has become what I worship

Because somehow I was bowled over

Believing in the fairy tales you told me

One day you will rescue this princess

Bring her back to joy with your kiss

You never came

I was never your princess

I never felt that joy on my lips

All you knew were lies

And now that's all I know too

FUNERAL

I feel out of place

Any other funeral

Would be easier

Some invitations are void

And some bridges will stay burned

MIRROR

I am happy for you now

You have overcome obstacles

That you never even realized

Were in your way

I am proud of you now

You are doing something

With your life

That means something

I love you now

Let me hold you for a moment

Before you finally accept 

Your true destiny

And walk away

From everything else

MY HEART

My heart is an abandoned house by the sea

Cold winds blow through smashed windows

As the tides crash upon the craggy rocks

That surround the weather-beaten shack

No one is allowed in.

Windows get broken

Chaotic winds surround 

There is no shelter

No longer an I open

MELANCHOLY

Melancholy

Deep sadness

A child's tears

A wrinkled old hand

The heavy smell of lavender

The sad droning of the bagpipes

But above all else is losing you

And the way you would hold me up

So that I could feel everything oh so high

Before you brought me crashing down with "It's over now"

REALITY

Old surprising things confronted

He who thinks evil immediately

Will cease when you claim the impossible

Grin and bear the dark moment 

And fall back into reality

THE BREATH THAT KILLS

Faceless eyes that stare

Still protecting their distance

And I do know why

Don't come too close, their eyes say

It could be the breath that kills

What a way to live

Awaiting the last moment

Trapped in a pattern

Clinging to fear and despair

With no hope for the future

POSSESSION

Can we talk about this?

I know you didn't mean it

When you walked away

And I know one day

You'll come back to me

Until then I will remind you

With a barrage of questions

Endless sobbing

Memories of love

I am not going anywhere

You're mine

Peace is not an option

It never was

LET GO

Today I decided to let go

Let go of all the pain you caused

You caused my heart to break

To break the heart of someone you love

You love only yourself

Only yourself can understand

Can understand what you have done

Have done enough to break me

Break me wide open

Wide open spaces to finally let go

Let go of the poison beneath my skin

In Memoriam

Mom? 

Can you hear me?

I thought of you again today

As I typed my poetry 

Into my phone

You were wrong - 

People do like my writing

And I don't think they're lying

Mom?

Do you miss me?

I was never the daughter you wanted

The only daughter you were given

With calloused hands clasped

You would pray for peace in life

Instead of this strange girl

With a wild heart

Who refused to give up 

Mom?

Are you proud of me yet?

In my forties, surrounded by love

You're right - 

I have not accomplished much

But this love is the greatest gift

It holds me and protects me

Through every storm

My pride rests not in what I do

But who I am

And who you made me

When neglect and abuse 

Were supposed to be enough

THESE FOUR WALLS

So tired  of looking at these four walls

The empty streets down below

I am not sick, on my knees I fall

I should be able to get dressed and go

But for the moment I am stuck

In this gothic tale of paranoia and woe

It seems that I am having no luck

Not a cough on me to show

I cannot feel the air outside

Strange temperatures for the middle of May

I am stuck, as though I must always hide

In this apartment forever must stay

At some point, this nightmare must end

On this prayer I depend

RAIN

Staring outside my window

As the rain pours down

Glad I am safe inside

In this gritty old town

As I watch the rain fall

I can feel the weight

Of the wind and the rain

It's much too late

My body feels the pain

Of every drop

Rain at jagged angles - 

Will it ever stop?

SHARDS OF MY HEART

Shattered, fragmented

You left my heart in pieces

I cried out for you

I heard my own echo back -

"Don't leave, please don't leave me here"

I couldn't see you

When seeing you was what I 

Wanted more than life

My tortured love was blindness

And I couldn't reach you now

CRACKED

Cracked - 

I was whole under the shell

But all you saw were the cracks

How difficult I could be

Cracked - 

Why should you care?

I wasn't whole when you met me

Now the cracks are deeper

Yet you play the victim 

As I lay here

Cracked

WALLS

Standing just inside your walls

Hoping you will let this indiscretion go

I step forward and I feel hands pushing me away

I hear words, cold to my ears

I see your expression and it is granite to my heart

I am too close and you need some distance

I can't say you didn't warn me

I look in the mirror

I see the same granite expression reflected back at me

Feel the coldness rising within my own skin

Distance from myself - self-preservation - 

Where only you remain

You were the lesson I learned when I tried to be open

And now I stand outside the walls

Ignoring invitations to proceed

Now I know better

I saw the other side

ROMANCE(?)

Laughing, forgiving

I will never let you go

Tears shed, I'm crying

As you walked right out the door

Pleading, I'm begging

Never meant to hurt you so

Sometimes I'm yelling

Always the same as before

I forgive you now

For the pain and heartache

My sweet dream come true

And for being my mistake - 

I never had a clue

UNTITLED

Always fighting a losing battle

Who did what 

To whom

And when

Why you will not admit

That you are not happy with me

Choosing instead to rhyme off 

Your saccharine-coated complaints

Words that free your conscience 

And burden mine

Wanting comfort for

The nagging pain in your wrist

You pulled a tendon when you plunged the knife

What about the pain in my heart?

Torn between your anger and vulnerability

I don't know where to turn

The doves have all flown away

UNBROKEN POETRY BOOK LAUNCH!!!

DAY/NIGHT

The day slips softly into the night

As I think about you and all that we had

Now it's too late to reverse our plight

Or the song that keeps playing that makes me so sad

You told me I could be honest with you

Saying "I forgive you for everything"

You expected me to recite that saying too

But forgiveness is not what I'm seeking

I want peace of mind to color my thoughts

I want to stop remembering the way you look when you cry

You and I gave it our best shot

It's still so sad to say goodbye

I walked away before more damage was done

And waited like a flower for the morning sun

WANTED

Wanted:
Somebody to
Numb and heal
This heartache that's tearing
Me apart from the inside

Is that you?

MORE BOOK LAUNCH INFO!

BOOK LAUNCH INFO!

LOVING YOU

Sweetheart loving you is a risk
A risk to my sanity, nay my life
My life was once a game of snakes and ladders
And ladders dominated my life
My life is now full of snakes
Of snakes I will fear forever

BRAVE

You are the lesson
I learned when I tried to be
Brave and beautiful
And how I waited for you
You walked through me like a ghost

I failed me this time
Still, I don't know much better
Please explain to me
How it could be so easy
To walk away with this heart