IMPOSSIBLE

 Impossible, breakable

Your promises, every one

Incredible, unbelievable

I believe all, and then some

CRASH

 Waves upon the sea

Crashing against the shore

You think you have given me

All you have

The problem is

I wanted more

CABIN BY THE SEA

Cold winds blew through open windows

In our cabin by the sea

We waltzed together holding me close

"You belong to me"

You left the next morning without warning

Only a note to me

About how we could never make it this way

In our cabin by the sea

THE GIVING RAIN

 Years I walked without you 

On a dry deserted plain

Then one day I called out to you

In the giving rain

Years I walked by your side

Not understanding your pain

I only knew it when you were taken

By the giving rain

WHAT I LEARNED

 Rising from the ashes

Like a phoenix never burned

Give yourself only cautiously

That is what I learned

A BETTER WAY

 I recall your green eyes

And those pretty blue skies

That summer we were young

Our song was yet unsung

And as you walk away

I hold onto yesterday

And how your love helped me

Find a better way

AWAY FROM ME

 This is how it began - 

A word, a hug, a kiss

Things one might not miss 

Then love, security, dignity

Those you took 

Away from me

DON'T WORRY

 Don't worry about me

I am made of fire and freedom

Tough as dandelion weeds

Coming back again

To fight another battle

To one day be free

Of the thoughts that hold me down

If you can't see me now

Just look around 

BURNING BRIDGES

 You know I love you

Yet it is never enough

For someone like you

Now I have to walk away

Burning the bridge that we built

UNBROKEN

Worried about so many things

My life taking a dive

But the beating of my heart

Tells me I am still alive

No longer am I begging you

For some small token

No matter when you walk away

I am still unbroken

UNDER SUBURBAN SKIES

 You are the current below the surface

The determined glint in my eye

Yet I needed to believe you loved me

Under suburban skies

MY HEART

 I left myself wide open

And you tore me all apart

That's the very last time

You will ever see my heart

HIBERNATION

 Snow falls over the trees

People outside walking their dogs

Laughing about the cold

And those who stay in

Look up at my window

I beckon to them

My high-in-the-sky window

I was never really that far away                                                    

THE FALL

 Today I saw

Your love for me die

All I had to do

Was look in your eyes

Heightened tension when we talk

If we talk at all

Why you never warned me

Before I took the fall?

LOCKDOWN

 Lockdown

When did this happen

While I turned around

Politicians no help

They all bring me down

This virus deserves

A king's crown

Took a year of my life 

Just to touch the ground

This lockdown

MY BIGGEST DISGRACE

 As the rain pours down

Falling like fresh tears

On a bloated face

I look around

And you're gone

Letting you go

Has been my 

Biggest disgrace

CHRISTMAS TREE

I appreciated the love

The love you gave to me

Until you decided I wasn't enough

Under the lights of the Christmas tree

Now I am sailing

Alone across the sea

This cannot ever mean

The joy of living free

 

SUNSET

 Sunset - 

Bring me promise

Of a better day tomorrow

A better life at hand

I put my hope in you

I put my faith in you

The beauty that you gave us today

Lost somewhere in the sand

ALLEY

 You know I am not the one

Who wants to hurt you

See you broken down

So don't be the one

To leave me crying in an alley

In the bad part of town

SANITARY

 Stand six feet back

Cough inside your mask

Have you had a cold in the last year?

Any virus I will fear

These gloves and shield protect me

Against the viral enemy

Don't touch me - just keep walking

I don't want to die just yet

BETTER

 I want to be that inner voice

That speaks to you at night

I want to tell you how loved you are

How you have made my life better

Just by being in it

How I am not the only one

The colors of your mind

LAYERS OF MASK

 Look at me - 

Between hood and mask 

Can you see me?

Good!

Am I seen the way 

A woman 

Should be?

Would you see me the same way

If you 

Could see?

Or is my beauty only visible

Through layers of mask?

ORPHAN

 As the gates clang shut behind me

All I see are the sad faces

Children with no one to give their love

No one getting swallowed up

In the love, they have to share

We are the unlucky ones

They can't hurt us

If they can't find the 

Heart was hide

So well

FLAME

 Come closer to me

My lovely old flame

You're no good for me

Yet irresistible just the same

I just need to breathe you in

One last time

My dying wish

A wish sublime

WORDS

Some days I worry

My words won't

Reach you

Other days I worry

They will stab you

Through the heart 

Either way, it will move me

To see my words 

Tear you apart

SAD PUDDLE

 Sad, sad puddle

How I wish it were so easy

To blame others for the splashing

The kicking and the running

But I know that's all on me

All the self-destruction

Looking in the mirror - 

It's got to get better than this

THE DISENCHANTED ARTIST

 This picture tells a story

A story of two lovers

Two lovers holding hands

Holding hands and yet not touching

Not touching and at that precise moment

That precise moment he pushed her into the lake

The lake that was cold, bitter, and frigid

And frigid was the disenchanted artist

Empty of emotion

MEDUSA

 A mad goddess enters my dream

Each wrinkle is another battle she has faced

To be herself in her world

Her eye makeup striking 

As though daring someone to look closer

Her wig sitting motionless atop her head

But I see her secret underneath

The gentle movements of the snakes

That keeps her from getting hurt again

SEA

 If I am dreaming

Don't wake me this time

While we are dancing 

Lit by the full moonlight

The sparkles in your eyes

They dance just for me

Then you woke me

As I fell into the sea

I asked you not to wake me

You just wouldn't let it be

You would rather let me drown

As you watched me by the sea

THE DANCE

 The language of the face

Watched and went

He spun me around

Until I forgot 

My youth and innocence

Gone so long ago

But for a moment he loved me

And I loved him

If only we could

Keep dancing

That smile on my face

For the rest of my life

FIRE

 I had no choice

I was given no choice

Thrown into the fire

And left to burn

How to rise like a phoenix

Was a lesson I had to learn

NOVEMBER

 It's so easy

Isn't it?

To pass judgment 

Without knowing

But when I type

I remember

Lying there in pain

It's so easy to remember

Why I hate November

Feeling it once again

RESCUE ME

 I hoped that you would rescue me

Bags packed and waiting on the shelf

I always thought it took you to rescue me

Before I realized I could rescue myself

GOOD ENOUGH

 Never been good enough

Good enough for you

For you, I gave up body and soul

You left me without a clue

I truly gave up body and soul

Now I don't know what to do

After all, I was never good enough

Good enough for you

SHATTERED GLASS

 Like shattered glass

Broken and incomplete

Writing about you

Has become an obsession

It is the glue

That may fix me

This time

SUMMER

 Oh, my Heart,

Rays of light 

Stream through the window

They light up

Your dark eyes

Then you smile

And it is summer again

Warm and sultry 

In your gaze

RESPECT

 Pushing past the neediness

Ridding myself of the pain you caused

How unappreciated I was

To hear that you forgive me

I never asked for forgiveness

Only the respect that I found

Within me

JEALOUS

 I am jealous of everyone

Who gets to see you all-day

Who gets to find themselves befuddled

By your dry humor and sharp wit'

Even when I know you'll return

It is never soon enough

SUCCESS

 I thought I could never make this climb

This climb to myself and what I left behind

Left behind out of fear, fear of success

Of success at being me, a satisfied mess

THE SHORE

 Shivering, I waited

I waited by the shore

The shore where you would meet me

Meet me and say the wait was over

Was over after so long

So long I waited to hear

To hear I could step into the light

The light where we belonged

We belonged to each other

Each other but you never came

Never came, I misunderstood

I misunderstood who I was to you

To you, I was just another girl

Another girl you didn't want to wed

To wed another, I cried so much

So much sadness but I am worth more

Worth more than a fling by the shore

CLOAK OF DARKNESS

 I left behind 

My old cloak of darkness

A security blanket

For the hard times

I kept it in mind

The welcoming blackness

I went back to get it

My friend for all time

HEART AND MIND

 It's amazing what you find

When you look inside your heart and mind

I found bravery, strength and courage there

A loving heart that wants to care

Faith, hope and charity trying to hide

From the brightness deep inside

It's amazing what I had confined

Looking inside my heart and mind

HWYLLA

 I found it unfair

I had to sleep in a bed of ashes

Until I emerged like a phoenix

With fire in my veins

I am a survivor, not a victim

Standing before the masses

Hurt but still unbroken 

Bearer of the flame

DINOSAUR

 Before the dinosaurs became extinct

Not one of them paused to think

"This was really my mistake - 

I was blind to what was at stake"

As humans it may be too late to roar

Like the vanquished dinosaur

MY FAVORITE GIFT

 The way you held my hand

I knew it would end

Searching my mind frantically

How we could mend

This terrible rift

Like a hurricane, so swift

Feeling such sadness

You were my favorite gift

FRIEND

 Hello my old friend

Let me put my arms around you

Pretend it didn't end

Sad it's been so long

Yet here we are again

One tiny slip -

Was it my mistake?

How I lost you then

AUTUMN

 Colorful leaves 

Beneath my feet

The only sound

On the tree-lined street

A tear falls

Down my cheek

As I watch them die

A slow defeat 

SMILE

 I've had my regrets

Things I wish were different

Never regret us

I will always be in love

With the memory of your smile

COLDNESS

This is how coldness 

Can break a heart

When I reach out

And feel myself 

Being blown apart

Feel the rose dying

In a cracked vase

I have nothing left to give

These words that I live

Finally I will give you

Your space

MY FACE

 I look in the mirror 

And see my own face

The lines and features

So out of place

No look can defend 

No light can attend

What I see as my biggest disgrace

OCEAN

 I worry I will never see the light again

Feel the sun on my face

Without your love

I am floating in a nameless void

A being without identity

My purpose is lost to me

In an ocean floating endlessly

I search for you

Will you search for me?

FAMILY AFFAIR

 Anyone could try

And I did

To reach out to you

To get close to you

Everywhere I looked

Doors were slammed

In my face

Now it is my turn 

To walk away

Slam my own door

Because I am worth more

Than your cold judgment

THE VOICE WITHIN

 Looking silently at the floor

Longing for a different past

Then roused from these reflections

Realizing that the present

Has exceeded all my expectations

Gazing into the mirror

With a soft voice saying

"I love you always"

The voice within

SHOW ME

 Show me today 

Where the terror lies within

Let me reach in

And pull it out from you

Examine the pain you hide

And tell you that

You never deserved it

In the first place

THIS POEM DOES NOT EXIST

 

Life has spoiled my great illusion
Once I was blinded by a bright future
Now the room casts their attention
To the worker who does not work

This poem does not exist

A DREAM YOU FORGOT

 I don't ask for much

You ask for a lot

I give you what little I have

It's all I've got

You look at my small bouquet

Throwing it away

As though I was a dream

You forgot

MY GOLDEN DREAM

 My golden dream

You gave me hope

Showed me

All I could be

You are more than you seem

My golden dream

DOWNSTAIRS

 Don't go downstairs

Whatever you do

In this house of horrors

Made just for you

No one will believe you

What happens down there

Better to go outside

Get a breath of fresh air

No matter what

You think you're been through

Don't go downstairs 

Whatever you do

FALL

 Even when I fall

I know you'll always be there

Catching my pieces

WHERE MEMORY LIVES

 I had to return again

Where memory lives

Pushed and shoved

Such a tiny place 

Where memory lives

I can never be free

TURMOIL

 The turmoil I felt

When you were here to stay

Equals the peace I felt

When you walked away

TIME

 It's time

To love myself

More than you

It's been time

To push away from the edge

And find my own path

And maybe 

Someone who cares

WAITING FOR THE DAWN

 I don't know

What went wrong

Or why you're gone

Searching all the time

For the perfect rhyme

As the tears roll

Down my cheeks

Waiting for a better day

Wating for the dawn

ALONE

 Floating in

A sea of melancholy

You are not here

With me

This is when I feel 

Most alone

SUN

 I stand in the shadow

Of your coldness

I plead with you

To bring back the sun

In your eyes

So I can smile again

PERFECT

I never had a doubt

It would end up like this

Close to perfect

Still so far away 

MY BODY

 My body betrays me, cell by cell

Overcome with symptoms, falling down a well

I scramble for branches to slow the fall

Realizing there is no saving me at all

THIS LIFE

 Why was I given this life

I ask the heavens above

Running out of patience 

And self-love

A hand reaches down

And says because you are strong

You were meant to be victorious

All along

AJ

 I don't know when I will see my baby again

Amidst all this confusion, chaos, and pain

I am trying to be tough, trying to be strong

But I haven't seen him for so long

Not seeing one's child causes such pain

I don't know when I will see my baby again

TOUCH

 Softly and tacitly 

You creep to my bed

Lightly and mildly

You stroke my weary head

NAME

 I think it completely ludicrous

I call out your name

No lies and no games

You make me feel ashamed 

For wanting the same 

BELIEVE

 Hold on to me

With your strong arm

With your worshipful eyes

As the organ drones on

I hold your arm tight

Something to believe in again

RELENTLESS

 I plunge my hands

Into the warm dirt

As I reach heavenward

Praying for a good crop this year

I have been unlucky so far

This year I am relentless

This will be my year

THIS LOVE

 This love

It can repair itself

Before I lose myself 

Lost in you

This life

I made it all with you

I keep pushing through

This love for you

I AM HERE NOW

 She said. you try

You try moving something heavy

Like rocks clanging 

Inside you

Searching for help

From this nightmare

For the one person 

Who will help

The one person who will say

It's okay

I am here now

GET WHAT YOU GIVE

 He said

You only get what you give

And in your eyes

You give me the world

Show me the way to live

TAKE ME BACK

 Take me back to the moment

I first looked in your eyes

What a nice surprise

You left me hypnotized

Take me back to the moment

When you first walked away

I couldn't make you stay

You just walked away

SPIRIT DANCE

 Any would love them both

Hear this house so whole

Hear laugh window ache

Other raw frantic garden dance

None are sad music book

Heavy art rock spirit chant

VALLEY

 Fresh breathtaking valley

Beside dead imperfect promise

Why approach the girl

And appear faster

The absurd instant

Our valley sleep pattern

THE ROSE

 You are my rose

Delicate and beautiful

Made mystical with thorns

Bringing tears to my eyes

Show me how to love you

And I shall do the same

THIS MOMENT

 Scared again

I'm scared again

Scared again of you

With your steel-blue eyes

With some kind of madness

Beginning to seep out from edges

My life is only worth this moment

LOVE YOU

 This is  going to take a long time

Knowing what's mine

As you slam the door

We were laughing only yesterday

Seems like so far away

But I want more

All I wanted was a lucky day

All I wanted was so far away

All I ever want to do

Is love you

MAD

 It's up to you - 

To draw the chalk lines

Say it's so sad

Even when it isn't

And I am quietly mad

AUTUMN

 Autumn leaves, crackling leaves

Every year the same yet no on believes

In the passage of time Mother Nature grieves

For her young son growing as nature perceives

YOU

You

Irreplaceable you

 I have looked

For someone the same

But all I found was

A hole where your heart

Once inhabited me made me

Full and satisfied like never before 

You. 

LOST

We did not end well - 

And though I still love you

(That will never change)

My heart cries for you nightly

I grasp my heart at the moon

I stare to the sky

Hoping for some miracle

No miracle came

I still cry without you, sad

Woman lost inside a dream

ANN B.

 Herself far imperceptible retracts ships

With an interpretation of sleepy passing hunger

Dying sits and climbs for one too again

Her love of God has caused her to wrestle angels

Piercing has caused her to long for the ending

As unknown, the people cheer

CIRCLES

 When her existing night face

Perhaps naked unwindings

And its juicy thick perfume

They speak of her praise and beauty

Walks within a thousand flaming circles

EDEN

 The call was uncommonly great

After so may clustered

Disjointed debates

Eden faces the white water

Waiting for him

Her soul coming forth

To give her needed lightning

To give her praise and beauty

MINE

 Standing alone in front of the patisserie

Seeing you walk towards me

Our eyes meet our steps in time

You're the one

You'll always be mine

BOOK GIVEAWAY COMING UP!

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STARS

 I want to follow the stars

Up to heaven 

To rest in your arms

One more time 

POEMS

 Don't give me the poems

With beauty and light

They mean nothing to me

Give me the poems 

With darkness and despair

That set my soul free

FIGHTER

 Like a fighter in the ring

I know to keep standing

I know to keep holding on

No matter the enemy

If I am with you in the end

It was all worthwhile

LITTLE ONE

 What happened, little one?

Ragged clothes and a tear-stained face

Bags already packed

Looking for a way out?

What did they say, little one?

They told you that you're worthless

Never saw the best in you

In this dilapidated town?

You're gonna make it,

Little one

BROKEN MIRROR

 Broken mirror

Shattered dreams

Nothing about you

Was as real as it seemed

Laughing in the rain

Crying on the floor

I want to hear your voice again

But what for?

A FACE WITHOUT A MASK

 Looking out my window

At the cold pavement below

People hurrying this way and that

To them I am invisible

Literally invisible

A face without a mask

HAMMER AND NAILS

 The more I know you

The less I understand

Your bright shiny love

I want to push you away

But then I remembered 

How long I waited

For this moment

Hammer and nails

We'll keep fixing this one

Until it works

FLAWS

 It's hard 

To look in the mirror

And see the flaws

We complain about 

In others

QUIETLY

 I will not go quietly

In the midst of this insanity

Full of insecurity

Looking for the brevity

In this  inesxplicability

KNOWING WHAT I KNOW

 Knowing what I know now

I would stay away from the apathy

Knowing what I know now

I would stop breaking my own heart

Knowing what I know now

It's too damn late

THE MIDDLE

 Let's start again

Laughing, forgiving

I miss that

Missing you

How I looked in your eyes

Tiredness and age 

Fade away

We could be young again

We could be in love again

Instead of this distance

Unspoken hatred

I could love again

If you could meet me 

In the middle

LAST SEPTEMBER

 I remember

The nights spent together

Doing whatever

And now that it's over

I cannot regret

I cannot forget

Last September

EVERY NIGHT

 Every night I dream and pray

I call your name to come my way

These visions are oh so bad

I don't know whether to rage or be sad

But you don't come and I know why

My hope in you is the last to die

MOONLIGHT

When you looked at me in the moonlight and said

God, you wish you were in my bed

I would lay you down so gently

Grasp your body so madly

Tomorrow we will end so slowly

But today we'll have our ecstasy 

CERTAIN

 As certain as the sun

At the end of the day will set

I will be by your side

When the day ends

You are the sweetest thing

To hold you is everything 

To have you is something

To have this feeling

As certain as the sun

Will set in the west

I will be holding your hand

I know you are the best

APOLOGY

 It's too late, you said

When I tried to apologize

It's too late in your heart and mind

I think you're being difficult

You think I am being the same

The tears start falling from my eyes

Knowing you will never say my name again

DANIEL

Daniel, we've been through this before

The yelling, the screaming

The slamming of doors

From you, I want so much more

The holding, the loving

Just like before

Daniel, can't you feel my love

Past the moments we get mad

When we shove

I am tired of calling your bluff

The crying, the tearing

Hand in glove

LAST ONE IN LINE

You think it's fine

In your mind

For me to be the last one in line

It makes me feel the worst

Almost cursed

When I keep putting you first

All I want to do

When I'm blue

Is stay here with you

So I try to laugh

I try to smile

When I have to wait a long while

You think it's fine

In your mind

For me to be the last one in line

TOY

It became too hard

Too hard not to look at you

When you knew the truth

All along that I loved you

When I only wished to be

The toy that occupied your mind

Even for a minute

To be that important in your hands

FAMILY

I don't know what you think

You think family is

Family is pure love

Pure love that I have never gotten

Never gotten from you

From you or anyone else

Or anyone else forgotten

Forgotten as if by taking a pill

A pill will never erase baby Jill

WEDDING DAY

She danced like a dying flower

Delicate and swayed by the breeze

He held her gently in her arms

Took her to bed one last time

Wedding day

WORTHLESS

I look into the sky

Remembering your cold blue eyes

Wanting to see them again

To feel worthless one more time

LEMONADE

Darling, the flowers have died

In our old garden

The one you danced me around

On those hot summer days

How we sipped lemonade

Smiling at each other

Those heady, wonderful days

Spent with one another

SERENADE

The humidity hangs in the air

Beautiful, you say, so beautiful

My breathing is heavy

As I try to catch up to you

All the beauty I see is you

And your serenade for the summer

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LIVE STREAM

Seated by the microphone

Only too eager to greet you

With nervousness and cheer

An empty room

Wondering what to say

What jokes to make

When no one is listening

HAPPINESS

Some might say

Happiness is contrary to consciousness

But they never saw you

Your hair being playfully touseled

By the wind

The way the night lights dance

In your childlike gaze

The way you hold me

In your arms when I am scared

They never saw you

Yelling all the words you meant to say

During one of our fights

The bruise you left on my cheek

You visit me in the hospital

I fell, we told the nurses

I looked out the window

And saw the playful wind again

A tear rolled down my cheek

Happiness is not contrary to consciousness

Happiness is contrary to life

DAWN

Looking out the window

Down the hall

Watching the summer heat 

Turn to fall

When you told me

"I'll come back to you"

Was I a fool

To believe you

I picture us together

And it makes me miss you on and on

And all we have now

Is the dawn

BAGGAGE

Do I assume that you'll take me

Take me as I am?

I am flawed and hurting inside

Hurting inside with the thorns

The thorns of past encounters

Past encounters that I hoped

I hoped would be my happiness

My happiness was not found

Not found in eyes so cold

So cold and hands so rough

So rough I still have scars

Have scars that make one wonder

One wonder who you are

WHAT YOU ASKED FOR

I am not exactly what you asked for

How a visit to my consciousness

Requires a nap

A whirlwind of storms and shadows

A sweet palpitation between us

They would never know

How many times we have 

Come to the edge

Without falling over

From darkness to darkness

In the end, we say I love you

And prepare for another day

PAINFUL LOVE

After a quiet smile

Mixed with his usual shadows

I chirped words like birds

Hoping to bring him out of his darkness

He walked away

Slowly and indifferent

That tight mouth -

Always accompanied the same expression

I called after him - 

"I have had the misfortune

To suffer painful love," I exhaled

He turned to me with an ironic smile -

"What makes you think it's over yet?"

MESSED UP AGAIN

I messed up again

Just when everything

Was starting to come together

Now we're not even friends

So much anger

Anger between us

We've come to an end

And not the way I want it

Not the way I'd say it

No turning back

Past the fork in the road

I'd never really known

I messed up again

A BOOKMARK FOR THE UNBROKEN

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WATER

Water

There remain veiled initiators among people

Who reveal what's behind

The veiled curtain

Continuously sampling the good

In the world

History will last mere minutes

And I feel I am the only one prepared

WAKE UP

Wake up, everyone -

Time for a change

This hating and fighting

Needs to be rearranged

We need to learn to 

Love one another

Not as acquaintances

But sisters and brothers

There is a disease

Plaguing our air

Our children seeing it -

Well, it just isn't fair

Too much time spent

Looking down the barrel of a gun

We need to love one another

The way things have begun

Let's start together

You and me

It doesn't matter who begins

Just someone, you see

ON FIRE

The world is on fire

On fire with unquenchable flames

Unquenchable flames, we're all burning

All burning in a sea of chaos

Of chaos that we want to stop

To stop the burning

The burning all around us

Around us, there is no peace

No peace, no world

No world, no us

No us, we realize

We realize this has been

Has been an accident

An accident of our own design

MOTIVES

Interpreting others does not take long

Take long to see what their motives are

Motives are funny things

Funny things we all have

All have the desire to win

To win at something called life

Called life but really a slow death

Slow death as we slay each other

Each other the same

The same purpose deep inside

Deep inside the will to survive

A LITTLE GOOD NEWS TODAY

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TREAT ME BETTER

I wish you treated me better

Instead of pushing me aside

When life happens

Life happens for everybody

And I would never push you aside

To have a human experience

MY HEART

I wanted to get you a gift

A gift from my heart

My heart overflows for you

For you, I would do anything

Do anything you need or want

Or want me... whatever I could find

Could find it in my heart 

My heart would give you too

I WOKE UP

I woke up and you were gone

And I think it's just my fate

That people keep moving on

It may just be too late

For me to catch up to you

No matter how I try

And maybe it's true

I'm better off not knowing why

APOLOGY

Run run run away

Too many secrets in this place

Slide slide slide too far

Down a slippery slope in my car

Tell tell tell the truth

No matter if it makes you look uncouth

Cry cry cry late at night

Your kids want you to hold them tight

Ask ask ask what can I do to make it better?

To stop the tears unfettered

Say say say sorry and move on

Things will look better in the dawn

THE IMPOSSIBLE

I will try to attempt the impossible

Catch the key that falls from the sky

Intelligence blends with sensation

I will carefully write this poem

And make you feel my words

HOMELESS

It's so hard to walk past you

And know I can't help more

Than some coins in your hand

As I walk through the door

Coins that will no doubt

Become a coffee to keep you warm

As you huddle on the sidewalk

No shelter from harm

I don't know what brought you here

Was it some kind of mistake?

A breakup, a bankruptcy

Something too hard to take?

We're not so different, you and I

I am still homeless only in disguise

FAT

When I look in the mirror

I see what you see 

A fat middle-aged woman 

Staring at me

If you could only look past

The roll around my waist

The double chin hanging there

A round swollen face

You would see 

That there's so much more to me

Than a reflection in the mirror

To the one that is She

For underneath every inch of fat

There is a beautiful woman and that is that

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THE WARRIOR WITHIN

Inside your mind

The war rages on

Between the present and the past

Though life carries on

You are a warrior

Beating your drum

Waiting for 

The enemy to come

Tears like ice 

Fall down your cheeks

There is no time to be 

Mild and meek

Their words, their fists

They color your skin

Believe in  yourself

Don't ever let them win

What they did to you was a horrible sin

But don't ever doubt the warrior within

OLD CABIN

Sometimes I remember you

Remember you in that old cabin

Old cabin by the sea

The sea was always crashing on the shore

The shore where we stood

We stood side by side so effortlessly

So effortlessly we made love

Made love in that chilly small bed

Small bed that could hold us both

Us both feeling happy

Feeling happy as though everything was fine

Was fine until we went home

Went home and the fighting began

Fighting began and we no longer 

No longer cared about the shore

The shore or that old cabin

Old cabin with the small bed

Small bed that I wish

I wish I was back there again

HAPPY

When it rains it pours

My mother told me

When the sun is shining bright

It's too hard to see

In the summer it's too hot

Winter too cold

Will we never be happy

Even when we're old? 

SUMMER

The humidity hangs in the air

Like a reminder of something forgotten

The sun, bright like diamonds

Covers the tree-lined streets

This summer, our summer

As we bask in the daily heat

HERO

There's a hero deep inside your soul

Pushing you onward

The world needs you

And the many gifts you bring

There's a hero making others whole

Moving them forward

So thankful to you

Awakening the warrior within

I CAN FORGET

I can forget the smell of rain

I can forget your laugh again

But what I can't forget is the way you left

Your blue eyes full of disdain

I can forget you holding my hand

Smiling at the marching band

But what I can't forget is feeling bereft

I hope you can understand

I can forget long talks we had

I can forget not feeling so bad

Wanting a friend, not a dead-end

One day I won't be so sad

WASTED AGAIN

Damn, wasted again

Time, alone without you

Waiting, to see your tace

Phone, ringing in my ear

You are not coming

Car, broken down car

Heart, broken down heart

Tied, to one who doesn't love me

Sadness, permeating my soul

KAREN

My name is Karen if I ignore you

My name is Karen if I scream

My name is Karen if I ask to see your manager

Then I am Karen Supreme

But I am Karen when I hold my child

I am Karen showing you love

I am Karen for all the good reasons

Made from the Lord above

PHOTOGRAPH

This is a photograph of you and me

I kept it all these years, you see

I miss your laugh so terribly

And I wonder sometimes 

If you still laugh so uproariously

This is a photograph when we were young

In this one, I am sticking out my tongue

Climbing monkey bars, rung after rung

Until the recess bell said we were done

This is a photograph from long ago

It reminds me how I miss you so

And why was it you had to go

I will always remember you smiling though

MIRROR

The mirrors burned

The duality phenomenon

To the point where

We could not see ourselves

As individuals 

As creative beings

As sentient versions

Of humans again

We couldn't see ourselves 

At all

LIFE

I was expecting you there

A sublime creature to embrace

A chance to embrace life

Not having imagined before

How it would feel in your arms

Your eyes telling me I am home

The music stops, and that's my cue

To run away from home again

CLOUDS

Did you ever tell anyone

What I said that night?

As we walked along

The boardwalk 

Looking at the lights?

The clouds in the sky

Seemed to be laughing with us

"This won't last forever."

I said.

COME UNDONE

I think I've finally had enough

I think I've come undone

You keep your distance

I fall toward the morning sun

I am not scary

No reason to fear

You are the one who vanished

I am still right here

MONSTER

I see the monster inside you

As I look into your eyes

All my life I've seen you

Like a nightmare in disguise

You smile and everyone 

Like the friend you can't be

But sooner or later everyone

Gets a look inside and sees

That you have a monster inside you

The one who takes me home

That's why I had to give up on you

Before my confidence was gone

CHAINS

I deserve what I got

Can't hardly complain

Left here to rot

Bound in these chains

Captivating eyes

A scintillating smile

"Please hold this," she surmised

"Just for a while"

My eyes burned

When they sprayed me

As I turned

The guards said to me

"Foolish man

There's no turning back

Your suitcase, black and tan

Is full of crack"

I deserve what I got

Can't hardly complain

Left here to rot

Bound in these chains

HUMAN LAUGHTER

The song of human laughter

You who have requested

Every word repetition

Replace what has been placed

Like nature's lover

It is over

FREEDOM REIGN

One call

One voice

The people's call

One choice

To let freedom reign

End all the pain

Get the world back to sane

When freedom reigns

SAMUEL

I did the crime

I did the time

Now all I want to do

Is escape

I am not looking for pity

In this rundown city

Leaning against a well 

As I vape

I ask the Lord above me

If anyone could love me

Or have I gone too far

To go back

I heard him say, Child

You are still meek and mild

In my eyes

You never fell off the track

LONELY

Don't have to feel so lonely

I am still right here

Don't blame yourself, shame yourself

The answer is very clear

You were never alone dear

We all lose something

In the end

WRITE A POEM

Write a poem she said

As if she expected

My fingers to begin

Dancing across the keyboard

As if disconnected

From my mind and heart

That's not the way

It works, I said

Immediately my fingers 

Stopped.

She said, See?

You stopped believing

I never did

THE FEAR

We yell

We argue

You threaten to go

Enter the fear

You can't go

How could you go?

I plead

You take it back

Idle threat

I can't live this way

And suddenly I can leave

In spite of myself

FRIEND

I would do 

Anything

To call you friend

But now we are 

Strangers 

And that's where it ends

SHE ALONE

The music began

And she alone danced

Waving her arms

Feeling the beat

As the world yelled

While stomping their feet

About rights and fairness

She alone rejoiced

She was the only one

Who understood 

What life was meant to be

NOCTURNAL

I am nocturnal

This is my life

Awake after midnight

Storm or strife

I search online 

For people like me

Whose sleeping schedule 

Won't let them be free

I am nocturnal

I don't know why

Making friends

With the nighttime sky

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

While you were sleeping

In a peaceful slumber

I called out your name

While dialing 

Your telephone number

While you were sleeping

I whispered I love you

At the glowing moon

Hoping you would hear me

And come back soon

While you were sleeping

Tears fell from my dark eyes

I tried so hard to be patient

But after a while

I realized

While you were sleeping

Without a care in the world

I cloaked myself 

In loneliness

I could never be your girl

HOPE

This life requires all hope

A time when courage

Vibrates from within

Watching in silence

As the violence continues

A time to remember

That closeness of family

Is our only treasure

I put my arms

Around the world

And say a prayer

For peace among men

A circle of love

CHAOS PATTERN

Worldwide chaos pattern

Don't know where to turn?

But I have two strong arms

To hold you

A big heart

To love you

Two ears

To listen 

Two warm hands 

To wipe away those tears

A love that will

Pick you up before the fall

It will never be this dark again

And that is all

AWAKING NIGHTMARE

Awaking nightmare

I look around

Moonlight bathes my room

Flowers on my bed

Prayers filled with gloom

Waiting for the hero

Who will rescue me now

Nobody rescued me then

And 24 hours later

It all begins again

Awaking nightmare

No one could help me

Looking for a hero

In a Patrick Swayze poster

Finding zero

DESIRE

Fountains of water

Rivers of despair

I have waited

A lifetime for you

Do you really care?

Geysers of love

Bubbling up inside me

Don't go just yet

Not while I still

Need you beside me

Oceans of hope

Crashing against the shore

I know we have

Loved so much

Always wanting more

VOLLEY

Watching the ball dance

Touched gingerly by eager fingers

Excited audience awaits

To see where it lands

For me, I know

I can see the passage

The moment of freedom

Where the ball touches the floor

A LOVE STORY

She whispered me:

They sleep there

In that room

He loves her

Isn't it wonderful?

From this moment

Incredibly life begins

Life of love

I say her:

That was supposed

To be me

In his arms

In that bed

She should be

Where I am 

Looking from here

From a distance

As life begins

ULTIMATE GOAL

The unforgivable crime

Was the most curious thing

The funds for coffins

Offer up the cleanest coffin

Without explanation

The living image disappeared

Ultimate goal achieved

THE BREAK

She seemed anxious

When she announced your break

Not wanting to hurt you

Yet all you saw was red

Your world became revenge

And how to get it

How could you strike with thorns

When all she ever wanted

Was to stroke your petals?

PURELY ACCIDENTAL

You had a purely accidental impact on me

I never thought I would fall so hard

Into your arms, into this bed

Into the mouth of this river

You fulfilled my secret wishes

I will leave you never

DROWNING

I am drowning in front of you

Gasping for air

Choking on mouthfuls of water

You keep telling me I can swim

If only I tried harder

Curtain falls

UNMASKED

They rushed into each other's arms

Believing others are doing the same

They held their bodies in waiting

At last, could wait no longer

Their embrace was a sigh of relief

As they disrobe and crawl into bed

Hundreds of people are wearing masks

Afraid to live, afraid to love

We all cherish life in our own way

SURVIVAL

Imagine

Being young

And very scared

The monsters are real

There's nowhere to run now

I'm unable to call for help

All I can do is quietly hide

Saddest part is nobody is buying what I am selling

All I can do is survive in my own skin

AT FIRST SIGHT

The day she first saw him

She was full of good intentions

Despite his rebellious smile

She would plan their lives together

Manage everything

He would be happy, she thought

The day he first saw her

He was full of doubts and cynicism

Despite her hopeful gaze

He would not let anyone else

Plan his life, manage everything

She would never get that close

BABY MINE

Poor baby.

The great struggle for existence

Wrapping a tiny hand around my finger

Don't. Let. Me. Go.

Pale yellow jaundiced skin

The nurse takes him away

Put him in a machine until he's better

The hospital band is on my wrist

I am here with you baby

Mommy isn't going anywhere

RESENT YOU

This is going to take a long time

Until I feel fine

Can you see me?

When I cry I turn away

It gets harder each day

To feel truly free

All I wanted was to feel really great

No matter what I will compensate

But all I ever do

Is resent you

FAT

Time for a change now

Time to stop feeling assured

In the way things are

This is not the life I want

I need a better ending

This has been so hard

Feeling like this is wrong

I get on the scale

I know I can be better

There's no need to be so fat

JUST THE SAME

Walking down the street

I was distracted by a song

I couldn't quite remember

Then looking outside myself

For a moment, and I saw you

Walking next to me, oblivious

I called out your name

Hoping it would be the same

I called out your name

As you walked away from me 

Tears dripped from my eyes

Remembering our closeness

Remembering our love

I walked to the train station

Through a sea of heartache

Knowing now for sure

I loved you just the same

Living this life without you

I loved you just the same

LIES

You

You are elegant with your lies

Charming with your deceit

Your deceit has become what I worship

Because somehow I was bowled over

Believing in the fairy tales you told me

One day you will rescue this princess

Bring her back to joy with your kiss

You never came

I was never your princess

I never felt that joy on my lips

All you knew were lies

And now that's all I know too

FUNERAL

I feel out of place

Any other funeral

Would be easier

Some invitations are void

And some bridges will stay burned

MIRROR

I am happy for you now

You have overcome obstacles

That you never even realized

Were in your way

I am proud of you now

You are doing something

With your life

That means something

I love you now

Let me hold you for a moment

Before you finally accept 

Your true destiny

And walk away

From everything else

MY HEART

My heart is an abandoned house by the sea

Cold winds blow through smashed windows

As the tides crash upon the craggy rocks

That surround the weather-beaten shack

No one is allowed in.

Windows get broken

Chaotic winds surround 

There is no shelter

No longer an I open

MELANCHOLY

Melancholy

Deep sadness

A child's tears

A wrinkled old hand

The heavy smell of lavender

The sad droning of the bagpipes

But above all else is losing you

And the way you would hold me up

So that I could feel everything oh so high

Before you brought me crashing down with "It's over now"

REALITY

Old surprising things confronted

He who thinks evil immediately

Will cease when you claim the impossible

Grin and bear the dark moment 

And fall back into reality

THE BREATH THAT KILLS

Faceless eyes that stare

Still protecting their distance

And I do know why

Don't come too close, their eyes say

It could be the breath that kills

What a way to live

Awaiting the last moment

Trapped in a pattern

Clinging to fear and despair

With no hope for the future

POSSESSION

Can we talk about this?

I know you didn't mean it

When you walked away

And I know one day

You'll come back to me

Until then I will remind you

With a barrage of questions

Endless sobbing

Memories of love

I am not going anywhere

You're mine

Peace is not an option

It never was

LET GO

Today I decided to let go

Let go of all the pain you caused

You caused my heart to break

To break the heart of someone you love

You love only yourself

Only yourself can understand

Can understand what you have done

Have done enough to break me

Break me wide open

Wide open spaces to finally let go

Let go of the poison beneath my skin

In Memoriam

Mom? 

Can you hear me?

I thought of you again today

As I typed my poetry 

Into my phone

You were wrong - 

People do like my writing

And I don't think they're lying

Mom?

Do you miss me?

I was never the daughter you wanted

The only daughter you were given

With calloused hands clasped

You would pray for peace in life

Instead of this strange girl

With a wild heart

Who refused to give up 

Mom?

Are you proud of me yet?

In my forties, surrounded by love

You're right - 

I have not accomplished much

But this love is the greatest gift

It holds me and protects me

Through every storm

My pride rests not in what I do

But who I am

And who you made me

When neglect and abuse 

Were supposed to be enough

THESE FOUR WALLS

So tired  of looking at these four walls

The empty streets down below

I am not sick, on my knees I fall

I should be able to get dressed and go

But for the moment I am stuck

In this gothic tale of paranoia and woe

It seems that I am having no luck

Not a cough on me to show

I cannot feel the air outside

Strange temperatures for the middle of May

I am stuck, as though I must always hide

In this apartment forever must stay

At some point, this nightmare must end

On this prayer I depend

RAIN

Staring outside my window

As the rain pours down

Glad I am safe inside

In this gritty old town

As I watch the rain fall

I can feel the weight

Of the wind and the rain

It's much too late

My body feels the pain

Of every drop

Rain at jagged angles - 

Will it ever stop?

SHARDS OF MY HEART

Shattered, fragmented

You left my heart in pieces

I cried out for you

I heard my own echo back -

"Don't leave, please don't leave me here"

I couldn't see you

When seeing you was what I 

Wanted more than life

My tortured love was blindness

And I couldn't reach you now

CRACKED

Cracked - 

I was whole under the shell

But all you saw were the cracks

How difficult I could be

Cracked - 

Why should you care?

I wasn't whole when you met me

Now the cracks are deeper

Yet you play the victim 

As I lay here

Cracked

WALLS

Standing just inside your walls

Hoping you will let this indiscretion go

I step forward and I feel hands pushing me away

I hear words, cold to my ears

I see your expression and it is granite to my heart

I am too close and you need some distance

I can't say you didn't warn me

I look in the mirror

I see the same granite expression reflected back at me

Feel the coldness rising within my own skin

Distance from myself - self-preservation - 

Where only you remain

You were the lesson I learned when I tried to be open

And now I stand outside the walls

Ignoring invitations to proceed

Now I know better

I saw the other side

ROMANCE(?)

Laughing, forgiving

I will never let you go

Tears shed, I'm crying

As you walked right out the door

Pleading, I'm begging

Never meant to hurt you so

Sometimes I'm yelling

Always the same as before

I forgive you now

For the pain and heartache

My sweet dream come true

And for being my mistake - 

I never had a clue

UNTITLED

Always fighting a losing battle

Who did what 

To whom

And when

Why you will not admit

That you are not happy with me

Choosing instead to rhyme off 

Your saccharine-coated complaints

Words that free your conscience 

And burden mine

Wanting comfort for

The nagging pain in your wrist

You pulled a tendon when you plunged the knife

What about the pain in my heart?

Torn between your anger and vulnerability

I don't know where to turn

The doves have all flown away

UNBROKEN POETRY BOOK LAUNCH!!!

DAY/NIGHT

The day slips softly into the night

As I think about you and all that we had

Now it's too late to reverse our plight

Or the song that keeps playing that makes me so sad

You told me I could be honest with you

Saying "I forgive you for everything"

You expected me to recite that saying too

But forgiveness is not what I'm seeking

I want peace of mind to color my thoughts

I want to stop remembering the way you look when you cry

You and I gave it our best shot

It's still so sad to say goodbye

I walked away before more damage was done

And waited like a flower for the morning sun

WANTED

Wanted:
Somebody to
Numb and heal
This heartache that's tearing
Me apart from the inside

Is that you?

MORE BOOK LAUNCH INFO!

BOOK LAUNCH INFO!

LOVING YOU

Sweetheart loving you is a risk
A risk to my sanity, nay my life
My life was once a game of snakes and ladders
And ladders dominated my life
My life is now full of snakes
Of snakes I will fear forever

BRAVE

You are the lesson
I learned when I tried to be
Brave and beautiful
And how I waited for you
You walked through me like a ghost

I failed me this time
Still, I don't know much better
Please explain to me
How it could be so easy
To walk away with this heart

BALLERINA GIRL

Ballerina girl, you are so graceful

Twirling around and around

How could anyone not love you?

Ballerina girl, you are so perfect

Don't listen to the haters

Turn your tiny ears away from them

Ballerina girl, look in the mirror

Your imperfections are

The most beautiful of all

LAST BREATH

Swift current pulls me under
Water baby, didn't have a chance
Rocks dance beneath my feet as I sink
I thought I knew it all.
Knew. It. All.
As I take my last breath
I remember the last time I made you laugh
And I wonder if after all these years
Swift current will make you smile again

YOU ARE INVITED TO MY BOOK LAUNCH!

HAIR

Yes, I changed my hair
Sometimes I can't cope
With the reflection I see
In the mirror
So I change it
Maybe this girl
Knows how to survive

DREAM

I had a dream I lived in a jail
My crime was not explained to me
Turns out my lawyer was
Judge, jury, and DA
BANG! went the gavel
Back to my cell I go
If only I could see someone
Even standing close

I awaken and look around
At my four walls, the isolation
I don't know when I am getting out
It was not a dream after all

LITTLE HEART

She cries
All alone
Her little heart
Too small for stone
She says, "Bring on the ghosts that haunt me"
For they are all alone
They know every word
Of every lie she's heard
They will glue her broken pieces
Back together, make it better
Until she falls apart
Until she gets much older and a little bolder
To protect her little heart

MISTAKES

You underestimated me -
That was the first mistake you made

I believed in you -
That was the final mistake I made

EASTER

You already left
On the Easter afternoon
Our love was now gone
You know we waited three days
No miracle was to come

DARK GRIEF

My head is bent and I am crying
You left and painted my soul black
Waves of grief crash against
The shores of my bruised heart
And yet as I sob into a crumpled tissue
I wonder how I can win you back

THE OLD LOGGERS WALTZ

Every time the violin begins to play
I have a lump in my throat, beginning to sway
Moving onto the dance floor and into the fray
Into The Old Loggers Waltz

I let you keep time
Somewhere between rhythm and rhyme
Together we climb
Into The Old Loggers Waltz

Years have passed since you've been gone
Nothing's the same, not even the sun
I am heartbroken but waiting for the dawn
Into The Old Loggers Waltz

CUT OFF

You, you are my friend right now
"Right now" is all that I can promise
Until your heart is like a plow
Plowing through my emotional mess

You, you scare me to my core
With hugs I fail to understand
Trying to stop myself from wanting more
Feeling comfort with the touch of your hand

You, you don't understand why I must go
With paranoia and a heavy heart
Going before you quit this show
Looking to make a brand new start

So while I stop with you at "like"
I am making a pre-emptive strike

2020

2020 was not what I expected
I wanted to roam and be free outside
Instead, I look around at these four walls
And know I am in some kind of jail
DON'T GO NEAR ANYONE
And all I can do is miss my son

Coping much better than me is my son
Doing much better than I expected
For a social butterfly to be left without anyone
To not breathe the air outside
I would expect more freedom in a jail
Than any, I could find inside these walls

There is no freedom inside the grocery store walls
Hoping only to run into my son
Hoping I don't go to jail
The masked faces were not what I expected
Nor standing 6 feet apart outside
No smiles from anyone

Craving small talk from anyone
Before I return to my apartment walls
Knowing I will be staring outside
Wondering about the welfare of my son
For him, this was not what I expected
To be a young man in this jail

Might as well return to my jail
Walking alone without anyone
This springtime I would not have expected
Becoming one with these walls
Missing my beloved son
Living his life, drawn to the outside

I dream of the day I can go outside
Free from this government jail
I dream I can finally hug my son
I can say hello and smile at anyone
In or outside these grey walls
2020 was not what I expected

BUTTERFLY

Maybe time heals wounds
But I don't believe in time
I believe in you
And the way you hold my heart
Gently like a butterfly

AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

Just when I began to trust you again
After all the late-night fights we had
You turn the screws and increase the pain
Under the kitchen overhead lights, so sad

I chased you out of the house and past the gate
Yelling obscenities after you: "don't come back"
I am finally past believing in fate
Sadness has caused my body to go all slack

I am tired of being mad at you and myself
For wanting in this life a little romance
I guess my heart will go back on its shelf
Probably never getting another chance

And I wonder to myself does it make a man bolder
When having affairs at 65 and older?

THIS LIFE

When I awaken in this darkened room
Lonely, it is your name I want to call
Until it is with great sadness I recall
You have all but left me in this tomb

It is spring yet flowers no longer bloom
I would rather be enchanted by the fall
Familiar leaves die at nature's call
Yet I would still feel full of gloom

Nature, how you share your loss with mine
Starving for the freshness outdoors can bring
Instead, I am trapped in this prison of life

My loneliness is much like thine
Wanting to hear the sparrows sing
Pretending there is no such thing as strife

BETTER THAN ME

I don't know
Don't know how
Know how to
How to live
To live this
Live this life
This life without
Life without instruction
Without instruction telling
Instruction telling me
Telling me how
Me how to
How to love
To love you
Love you better
You better than
Better than me

DARK DAYS

Dark days
Some say there's no way out
Dark ways
Prolonging the pain and chaos
Dark stays
Can't stay in this void much longer
Dark preys
There's always that one dark way